A Shy Person’s Secret Wish

Have you seen this e-card zooming around the Internet lately? While I wouldn’t say it describes me perfectly, there’s something about it that rings true. I relate to the tension of being naturally introverted, yet caring deeply about things and wanting to share my voice with the world. I’ve also had this secret, somewhat silly wish to be a model. I’ve always known I’m photogenic, and I enjoy having my picture taken (if I’m in the right mood).  What a contradiction–a shy person who wants to be a model. No wonder I don’t understand myself sometimes!

When I saw there was a model search contest sponsored by More magazine, I decided to enter. I had a photo (the one Greg took of me for this blog). But in addition to the photo, you had to write an essay on “what makes you feel beautiful, inside and out.” This was a major sticking point for me. The truth is, I don’t always feel beautiful. Sometimes I feel anything but beautiful. So should I even enter this contest? I wrestled for days with my essay, and almost called it quits. In the end, I like what I wrote. You can read it here.

The winner gets a trip for two to New York, a professional photo shoot, and will be featured in the print edition of More magazine. I don’t expect to win, but I’m glad I entered. I’m also glad I decided to tell you about it 🙂 I almost didn’t.

4 thoughts on “A Shy Person’s Secret Wish

  1. Well, I’m glad you did! There is something very special about that pic Barbara. (i’m not just saying that). Your secret wish isn’t silly at all.
    I had a hard time re-reading your blog today. There were a few tears. Not because I didn’t like it, but because it brought up ‘the’ pain. I’m struggling just trying to find the words to express it actually. Talking about shame and worthiness and perfectionism makes me feel that way. I know that it’s really because i’m stuck there. It’s moving around though, the big blobby blockage.
    I just watched Brene Brown at Omega. i know now why you have her on your list! She’s open to sharing her feelings of vulnerability, and I love that. I’m inspired by her courage to be who she is,” without fear, embarrassment or denial”.
    This is Pema Chodron’s definition of a true warrior, which is special to me because it’s all about feeling worthy to be true, and having the courage to “own your story” (and finish it the way you want) as Brene said today.
    Voting for you! 🙂

  2. This is very exciting! Congrats on following through with the entry! I voted for you on the MORE website! I think you have a great chance of winning. Your essay was wonderfully honest. I love that!

    Honesty, I have recently noticed 2 commercials where the main character looks a lot like you. Of course I only know you from the picture on this blog, but if its not you, you may have a twin out there!

    One of the commercials is for Swiffer. The commercial can be played from the Swiffer website. The video is to the right under the tab called ‘Swiffer on TV’. Play the video where the lady is looking at a book. Looking at it in full screen view mode, check out markers 0:06 and 0:23 for face views. What do you think?!

    I’m forgetting what the other commercial is, but it must be the same person.

    You are already on TV and didn’t know it!

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