Self-compassion | The Self-Compassion Project

I made this video a few weeks ago but have been waiting for the perfect time to share it. Well, there really is no perfect time, but the start of a New Year comes pretty close.

My inspiration comes from two sources.

One is this quote:

“Religion is like a multi-colored lantern. Each of us looks through a different piece of glass, but the light is always there.” –Mohammed Naquib, a 20th-century Egyptian politician and author.

The other is a line I heard while listening to a podcast. Jean Houston talked about “crossing the great divide of otherness.” These two quotes intermingled in my mind and this is what emerged.

We let so much divide us.

Who we love.

What we believe.

Where we came from.

We put things into categories:

Good and Bad

Right and Wrong

Black and White

Categorizing is part of what makes us human. It means we can think.

But sometimes this kind of thinking can get us into trouble.

People don’t fit into neat and tidy categories.

Human beings defy categories because we are:

Complex

Textured

Messy

Broken

Whole

We need to drop the categories, that make us feel so adrift and alone.

Let’s cross the great divide of otherness,

and realize that we are more alike than different.

All we need to do is look up

to see that we’re all connected.

No matter what part of the glass you look through,

The light is always there.

May the light sustain you,

guide you,

and give you courage.

Share the warmth.

Self-Compassion Changes Nothing. It’s taken me nearly 12 months to discover something. I was trying to trick myself with this self-compassion project. Yeah, I said I wanted to be nicer to myself, but what I really meant was, “I want to change myself.” Whew. What a revelation. I thought learning to be self-compassionate was going to change my personality. Somehow I’d magically become easy-going, a non-worrier, and more interesting (I have this notion that I am boring). I also hoped that life would be easier, I wouldn’t feel things as deeply (sometimes I’m so raw), and I wouldn’t cry as much. DIDN’T HAPPEN.

Self-Compassion Changes Everything. I so hope you didn’t quit reading. I know the previous paragraph might have sounded depressing, but it’s actually not. Even though my personality didn’t change and life still isn’t easy, I do notice something that I think might be huge. This is it: I sense more space between events and my reactions. In that gift of space, I have found tenderness. And in that tenderness, I can say to myself, “This is a moment of suffering; suffering is a part of life; may I remember that I’m not alone; may I remember to give myself what I need.” Again, it’s not a trick to bypass the pain. It doesn’t work that way, although I’ve tried. In meditation practice, Sharon Salzberg calls it, “The Magic Moment.” It’s that period of time when you have a choice to do things differently. Do you beat yourself up for your short-comings, or do you give yourself a break? I can tell you that now, more often than not, I’m giving myself a break.

Self-Compassion Isn’t a Project. I’m drawn to projects. I’m good at projects. I’m organized, dedicated, persistent and will do whatever it takes to get things done. I love that sense of completion. And I love the name of this blog, The Self-Compassion Project! But I’ve found that learning self-compassion isn’t something I can neatly do in a year and check it off my to-do list. As much as I want it to be a project, it’s much more like a process. Now I’m not saying that self-compassion can’t be learned; I think it can be. But it definitely feels more like learning how to work with clay in a pottery class, than learning to solve an algebra problem in a math class.

When I started writing this, I envisioned I’d have a list of seven things I’ve learned. But it turned out to be only three. I shouldn’t say only, though, because these are a solid three. Bottom line, you’ll be hearing a lot more from me.

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Photo credit: George Hodan, public domain pictures