I’d about worked myself into a full-blown worry attack. There are a lot of things up in the air right now in which timing is key and I don’t have control of many of the variables. I felt crabby, and I craved a big bowl of New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream. My inner rebel kicked in and my self-talk sounded something like this: “I should meditate, but I don’t want to meditate. I’m sad the 28-day Meditation Challenge with Sharon Salzberg is over, and I probably won’t be able to keep the practice going on my own. Who am I kidding? I’m not the meditating type!”
Before I could go much further (as if that wasn’t far enough), the words popped into my mind, “This, too.”* Now where did that come from? The words came to me in a quiet, kind tone of voice, unlike the critical tone I’m so accustomed to hearing in my head. I can’t believe it. Only a month of meditating and I can’t even indulge in a good worry episode? This was new for me. I felt a gentleness with myself that hadn’t been there before. My worries were still there, but I felt some space…a little more room to maneuver. The quiet voice continued:
Things end. This, too.
Things aren’t in my control. This, too.
I don’t want to do things, even when they’re good for me. This, too.
I worry. This, too.
I laid down on the couch and took some deliberate deep breaths. I said some lovingkindness phrases for myself and others. And then I took a nap.
*I’m sure I’ve heard the phrase “This, too” somewhere. I’m getting paranoid that with all the reading I’m doing, that others’ words are seeping into my consciousness and I don’t know to whom to attribute them. Whoever came up with this phrase, thank you. It’s a really good phrase.
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6 thoughts on “This, too.”
I can relate to this — I’m the Queen of Worrying. I even worry about worrying! (“Is it normal to worry this much?” “Am I going to give myself high blood pressure?”) I like the idea of taking a step back, accepting my anxieties, and repeating a short and simple phrase like “This too” to keep me centered. I may steal it from you!
oh you crack me up in a beautiful way. thank you! I usually add ‘shall pass’ to my ‘this, toos’ and usually (but not always) it adds some serious punch to the worrying relief action. I get so much strength and comfort too from the words of Ramana Maharshi (i like to pretend that i hear him saying them when i’m stressed: 🙂 “What is to be done will be done at the proper time. Don’t worry. shh! Abide in the heart and surrender your acts to the divine.” Shh! Don’t worry. Don’t worry..Don’t worry! shh! surrender. I add the ‘shhs’ of course for extra comfort, gentleness. I figure then it’s not really ME talking to myself but the beautiful, revered saint RM. So let’s meditate (we’re the right types) and offer lovingkindness AND get out a few spoonsful of that yummy chunky ic.too although i don’t have any here lol. thanks for the smile, and sweet surrender on a freezing stormy day, here with scrappy boys, and a house on the market that is beyond fluffy dirty messy & stinky (really!..and how does that sell?) No worries…shhhhhhhh.
Oh, that is the worst…trying to keep your house clean while it’s on the market. With kids no less! I love it that I “crack you up.” I never think of myself as funny 🙂 Thanks for saying that!
that’s a good quote by Corrie Ten Boom. She’s one of my hero’s
Love this post Barb. ‘This, too.’ brings to mind the story of the ring with the words inscribed, ‘This too shall pass.’ Eckhart Tolle tells this story wonderfully in Chapter 8 of A New Earth.
I need to get that book. Do you still do your group based on Tolle’s work?